You're giving Mother where you're meant to be Lover

You don’t understand how you can give everything, do everything for them and they still don’t show up for you or return the favor.


This is SO common. I’d guess that most of you have done this. (I have!)


You’re helping them pick out their clothes. You’re constantly encouraging them to be and do better. You’re sacrificing or not thinking about your own needs—you might not even know what your needs are.


You just know you’re exhausted and maybe even resentful.


You may not realize it but you’ve created a parent/child dynamic instead of a lover dynamic.


This isn’t just women either!


A lot of my masculine clients and friends are so focused on getting things right, on control, on perfection, on overcompensating for their insecurities, that they spend more time parenting than romancing.


This is also a really clever way to avoid your own vulnerability.


If you’re fixing project people, you are probably not open to receiving love yourself.


And forget about feedback. Even overfunctioners who are open to feedback take it more as a chance to do more work than as a way to connect.


I love showing people how they’re doing this because often your partner has more to offer than you even realize but they don’t have the space to show it.


It can be hard to step back, but it will bring so much clarity and possibly more love and growth than you thought possible.


Yours in lovership,

-V

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