In Defense of Non-Linear Relationships
If you are a person who grows, you will change.
If you are alive on this planet, on this astral plane....you will have ruptures like deaths, disasters, affairs, and all manner of conflict in your relationships.
If you had a childhood, or have lived at all, you have intimacy issues and, often, those issues will not surface until you get deep into the sh*t of life--be it a situation, a job, an earth shattering challenge with friendship or family, or maybe even the truest love you've ever known.
People talk a lot about how relationships will trigger you....and the assumption that follows is that you will rise above it or break up. But there is so much in-between here!
To really learn and grow, you may have to face ruptures and endings and go within and maybe that's part of the relationship too! The time you spend apart growing.
Most of the meme-ified relationship advice I see online is rooted in this belief that commitment is the most important part of a relationship. It's true that without commitment we don't have a relationship, but when we prize commitment to the linear path of a relationship over all else is when we end up in stagnant disconnect. Many relationships have commitment but not clarity, communication, connection, consistency, common ground, and not consensual hot sticky nasty sxx (yeah, I said it, and you know it). But we see these memes and get all sorts of advice that are all about Point A to Point B and don't tolerate any grey area! But I don't believe in that and I don't live my life like that. It would be SO EASY. SO SO EASY to see the ruptures in my life as the OTHER person not being ready or having hang-ups (all true), but they were and are a mirror to me and my own intimacy growing edges. Are you getting it yet? Commodifying people...throwing people away if they aren't your
A-->B....is in many ways throwing yourself away. Denying your own need for growth. This is not to say that I'm against breaking up. Please break up. I hesitate to even share this view because I know there are people out there right now torturing each other with chaos and who are generally mismatched in everything except for their wounds. Please break up! The point is...not everything has to be linear. People are not bad for needing time to grow into themselves and into the next level of connection. And it's not just them...you have more areas of growth than you even realize. *Steps off of soap box*
I Love You forever