"If it's Not a Full-Body 'Fuck Yes'....Maybe You're Scared."
If you have a choice to make and your body is resisting by showing anxiety....you're probably scared and that doesn't automatically mean the answer is 'No'.
You might feel uncomfortable about your choice.
But does that automatically mean you're a 'No'?
NUANCE POLICE COMING THROUGH
Ma'ams and Gentlethems, are you aware that you are letting some snappy pop psychology saying make you feel wrong about something that is far more complex than a simple yes or no? LOOK. I believe in the full body yes and I can teach you how to feel it. However.... You might be a full 'Yes' to: ...Divorce...but dreading disappointing others. ...A new job...but terrified of change. ...Starting a relationship...but afraid of losing yourself. ...Naming a boundary...but nervous to speak it. And YEP those decisions that come when you're not afraid anymore....they hit different. Moments of clarity that strike like lightning can be so illuminating and should be cherished. But certainty won't always strike all at once. You might have a lot of fear or confusion leading up to your choice or have a sinking feeling after. Darling, whether or not you put a story on feelings of fear is a choice in itself.... So here is how you can manage the anxiety of not knowing: Nurture the parts of you that feel afraid. Let the fear be OK. Notice: 1) Does this remind you of another experience that has felt scary to you before? 2) Are you having sensations in your body like tightness, a change in heart rate, racing thoughts, nausea, fluttering.... Skip the stories. Acknowledge the discomfort, "I feel scared and uncomfortable," without slipping into a narrative about why or beating yourself up for feeling that way.
Build a portfolio of evidence. Create self trust by making more choices more often--starting with small things--so you can see that the sky does not fall. Break down the feeling or decision into pieces to sense which parts might feel scariest or maybe more pleasurable. (Maybe making the choice makes you nervous, but you're fine with the outcome.)
Ask for help with the scarier parts. Build resilience. Without forcing yourself through intolerable discomfort, find your edge and tip toe or jump over it. Take a leap and use the other tools listed here to manage anything that comes up. Activate! Stop trying so hard to self soothe or avoid feeling. Do something that turns you on and lights you up. Sweat. Sing. Dance. Play a competitive sport. Chase a dog. Get moving! Celebrate! Celebrate the things that feel good--no matter how big or small. Celebrate making a choice. Feel gratitude for what is safe and going well.
Appreciate that you have the power to change your mind or shift what isn't working well.