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He Wouldn't Let Me Help

He wouldn’t let me pull his splinter.

Actually, he often wouldn’t let me help him or offer him comfort at all.

This was a somewhat noble attempt—if not also a wild over correction—to learn how to lean on himself, and not the emotional labor of a woman.


….Back to me standing over him, tweezers in hand, as he squirmed like a baby….

I leaned in, excited—on a mission. Then just as I approached, he quickly sucked all of the emotion back inside and remembered, “I’m not supposed to let you help me.”

And as he pulled away from me, I slipped into a three-second, internal identity crisis. A vortex of abandonment.

“If I can’t help him, what good am I?”

The next voice that came in—with all of my logic, training, and intuition—gently, but firmly reminded me of the concept that I am valuable and lovable just as I am. Worthwhile simply for existing.

(…and what’s more, I truly do exist quite spectacularly…)

But I say ‘concept’ above because, prior to that moment, I hadn’t really LIVED the idea that I could be loved without working for it.

…..Reflection time:

How does that idea land for YOU? Does it feel foreign to love without work? Maybe it sounds contradictory to other ideas I’ve shared about effort and responsibility in relationships. Maybe you can’t even wrap your head around it.

But no matter how this thought is marinating for you right now, I want to reaffirm that we must work for relationships, but we never have to work for, or earn, love.

Love is a choice. Love JUST IS.

Our self worth cannot be so fragile that it is tied to dependence and love cannot be so unattainable that we must heal ourselves into completely sovereign, sterile beings before we’re able to grasp it.

Love is, in fact, not something to grasp at all, but something to surrender to, to melt into.

✨ You are LOVABLE just as YOU ARE ✨

Friends, do any of these sensations feel familiar? Have you felt yourself spilling over with helper vibes to gain access to love? Or maybe you resist it until you’re perfect?

Let me know in the comments!

And, as always, remember that I’m here to explore these discoveries with you and to encourage you to open to love now, just as you are.

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Feeling your resistance is the answer, hun.

What if the frustration, relationship anxiety, disappointment, ick, trigger, shut down, blah.... Is not a setback in your healing or relationship, but the catalyst that lands you exactly where and WHO


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