Relationships do not have to be fair

Do you keep track of who did the last nice thing?


Do you wait for someone else to show affection before expressing your feelings?


Are you maybe feeling resentful because of an imbalance in your partnership(s)?


First of all, that’s totally valid! You GET to feel however you feel about the needs that you feel are going unmet or feeling unseen or whatever it is.


AND I want to offer that some scenarios and some relationships are inherently imbalanced.


For example:


♥️ Dating someone with anxiety or trauma might mean that you do a little extra work to reassure them or keep them in the loop….


♥️ Living with someone with a different identity or relationship to the dominant culture that you both live in….


♥️ Your partner has a more demanding job….


♥️ Parenthood and caretaker roles….


♥️ You have more financial or emotional resources than your partner(s).


But is this imbalance necessarily bad?


This is where I want you to check yourself and unpack your feelings on fairness.


Are you unmet, unloved, unappreciated….or are you telling yourself a story about the invisible scorecard in your relationship?


Are you maybe wondering how the imbalance is perceived and maybe judged by other people?


Do you have an old wound around feeling taken advantage of that you can express and own?


Are you even asking for what you need in the first place?


Because here’s the thing…if you actually do feel loved and available for the dynamic…is there really any harm in being the partner who cleans the microwave more often?


Or can you maybe see yourself as the loving hero of your partner’s heart, making this one small gesture just for them with no need for anything in return?


Of course this will be different for everyone and YOU get to decide what kind of dynamic you’re available for, but don’t let some made up idea of whats ‘Fair’ get in the way of loving connection.


That’s all for today, pumpkins.

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This just needs to be said. Love is not a thing you "get" from someone. Are you treating Love as something transactional or like a thing that you can extract from someone without knowing it? Are y