My date left earlier than expected last night to take care of something in his life. Something important. I was touched by the tenderness of how he handled it for everyone involved. Sincerely, all I wanted was for him to run like the wind to show up for his commitments because that's the kind of masculinity I want in this world—even if it doesn't serve my immediate needs.
It was absolutely the right thing to do.
A separate story—I had a tumultuous on-and-off relationship throughout the pandemic. It was gorgeous and it was...messy. That is until he removed himself once and for all. It hurt me a lot that he could just stop, but stopping was what he felt was in integrity for him.
It was painful for both of us, AND it was the right thing to do.
Another—I recently met a really delicious potential client. We had a lovely rapport and I could tell that we were both excited to work together. But they have a trauma story that I believe deserves unpacking before going into experiential coaching. I can hold space for trauma and do have training around it, but what I do and what therapists do are different in a few key areas like trauma. So I made my recommendation and gave him a choice and he decided to pass on my work for now and start with therapy.
It was, again, the right thing to do.
Men do not have to be doing what we want or...what they think will impress us...for them to be in integrity.
Just as we don't want women and queer folks to have to bend to the will of cisgender men, we must also honor the emotional freedom of men to pursue their needs and handle their shit (respectfully).
And just as women and queer folks don't want to be pressured into choices....sex...relationships...we cannot do the same to men either.
We must all be kinder to one another. We must celebrate the honorable and hard choices we make to sustain relationships as well as our own mental health.
For the love of men,