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Fuck Virtue, Fuck Purity, Fuck Gatekeeping

Perfection is where pleasure goes to die.

They say patience is a virtue. I say fuck virtue.

Every day I think about Moms and caretakers who beat themselves up for losing their temper or for not being more patient.

People socialized as women and people who are in caretaker roles are not only held to an impossible standard of unlimited patience, but we’re also not allowed to be angry.

We’re especially not allowed to express it.

There is a strong connection to purity culture here.

Madonna vs. Wh-re

And I believe this purity culture bleeds into so much of our daily lives, blocking the potential for pleasure and true intimacy.

Purity culture relies heavily on appearances, on the superficial. And it doesn’t just effect women.

Men feel the weight of purity culture in the shame around their desires and a stifling fear of emotion.

BIPOC and LGBTQ+ folks have to work overtime to fit into the values of a white supremacist culture or risk being sidelined, harmed, or even killed.

Movements experience purity culture as gatekeeping and language policing. Where their activism becomes like an exclusive club and a hotbed of perfectionism more so than a place for collective liberation.

Don’t even get me started on STI stigma.

So I’m here to remind you that:

Perfection is where pleasure goes to die.

Virtue is just the sheep’s clothing of shame.

And purity is for water, not for people.

You won’t meet your depths, your spirit, your joy, or your potential through restriction or the performance of someone else’s values.

Intimacy is vulnerable, raw, and authentic. It’s owning your mistakes. It’s apologizing. It’s communicating your needs and being yourself. It’s never about punishing yourself.

Wherever you have the safety and the privilege to choose intimacy instead of the crushing judgement of purity culture, I hope you’ll have heart and take the leap.

And, yes, a major component of my coaching is unpacking where these voices came from and then kindly asking them to get the fuck out.

Reach out if you could use a break from the pressure, babe.

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